ria_oaks

... ... ... ...So.

That's it, then. We're at T+2.15 hours since it ended, no more counting down the minutes. It's over. Damn, I'm still rather numb. Also, my head is pounding from reading stuff online about it for 2.15 hours. ^^;;

Unfortunately the quality on my little TV wasn't great, and in order to get the cable to reach it I had to put it further away for where I normally watch it so it was a bit small and difficult to see, but even so. Very glad I watched it alone. As it is, Mom was yelling at me to be quiet (least, I assume that's what she said... didn't hear, and completely ignored her ^^;;) at one point. Bleh.

Well, anyway. Damn. It's over. Strangely, given the way it ended, I'm glad. It was fitting. It was "Angel" at its best. Those last few moments? That was the show. That said fucking everything about the show.

And now, some semi-detailed thoughts, trying to ignore my pounding headache. Also, still not fully coherent though I stopped sobbing awhile ago. Will probably start up again as I write this, though. :P

Okay, might as well get it out first:

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! WESLEY WESLEY WESLEY!! NOOOOO!!!!

Okay. Now, we move on.

WESLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*thwacks self* Moving ON.

WES---

AHEM.

Let's see... where to begin? Other than another rousing round of "WESLEY!!!", that is. *grins*

Hm, lesse, how about this?

LINDSEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. That done.

Ummm...

I really do have detailed coherent thoughts and analysis. I swear. It's somewhere in there.

As I said before the cut, this, my friends, was "Angel the Series". This was everything the show was. That last moment, as they stand in the rain, four of them against hundreds of demons and the unbeatable Senior Partners, Angel's "I want to slay the dragon first", then cut to "Created by Joss Whedon." Many people, I gather, are very unhappy about this ending. They're angry at Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy for giving them an ending that they perceive to be a "horrible, nasty, mean cliffhanger that was Joss's way of saying 'fuck you' to the fans." Personally, I have no clue why Joss would be saying "fuck you" to the fans, so frankly I see this as a flawed argument.

Anyway. Expanding now. Why is that moment, that ending of the show, the penultimate moment for the show? Because that's what "Angel" is about. "Angel" is about fighting the good fight, even when it seems impossible - even when it is impossible. It's about knowing that you can't necessarily save the day, win the good fight, avert the apocalypse, and go home Shanshu-ed with a fully-baked Cookie-Buffy on your arm. "Reprise" and "Epiphany", 2X15 and 2X16. The ghost, of sorts, of Holland Manners shows Angel the "home office" of the Senior Partners. The world. The people living in the world, the pain they go through every day, the people that are lost and without hope. That's what the SP are, that's what "evil" is - the pain and sufferring of the world. Angel was sent over the edge, slept with Darla - and had an epiphany. Maybe he can't save everyone. Maybe he can't save the world. Maybe being a Champion doesn't mean that. Maybe what being a Champion means is, at its core, helping the helpless (or the hopeless *g*). Doing what he can to help those in need. Easing the sufferring of a few, at least - bringing a moment of joy, happiness, hope to those who have lost it. We learned as early as episode one (as I just saw earlier today *g*) that Angel, or just the good guys in general, can't save everyone. Tina died. He didn't save her from Russel Winters. You can't save everyone. But he saved Cordelia, and killed Winters. He did what he could. All along, it's been about helping those in need. Sometimes you can't do it, but that doesn't mean you give up if it means helping one person.

And that's what this ending was about. Maybe they win, maybe they don't. Maybe they somehow vanquish the Senior Partners and their army of demons and dragons. Or maybe all four of them get slaughtered within minutes. Does it matter? Well, okay, yeah it does if you want to write a fic or a virtual season (

ats_nolimits, man!), or even if you just want to know what the hell's going to happen to our heroes, which inevitably we all do. But for the show, and for the show's themes, it doesn't matter. What matters is that they're going up against this unbeatable foe, doing whatever they can. They know they won't win. They know they're about to die. But dammit, they died fighting for what's right.

In the end, that's how this show is different from "Buffy". "Buffy" was a coming of age story about overcoming the odds and defeating the bad guys and going home to eat ice cream and party at the Bronze. "Angel" isn't like that. "Angel"'s about living in that world, about dealing with reality and everything that comes with it. "Buffy" tried to do that in season 6, and general consensus is that it failed where "Angel" succeeded. "Buffy", for all it's pain and loss and sorrow, had a happy ending. They averted the apocalypse, they empowered women everywhere, and Buffy was finally happy. It came to an end, it concluded, it wrapped up. In many ways, that's how "Buffy" should have ended - they grew up, came of age, and that's the end of the story. But in "Angel", the fight goes on, as it always has and always will.

I was thinking back, and it occurred to me that, on "Angel", they rarely actually averted an apocalyse. Jasmine was probably the closest thing to one. In "Buffy", every single season ended with an apocalypse being averted or a big bad being defeated - The Master, Acathla, the Mayor, Adam, Glory, Willow, The First. I had never really considered it before, but "Buffy" was always about averting an apocalypse in some sense. There was pain and grief, and nothing came without a high price, but for the most part they always succeeded in the end.

Of course, my brain's fried by this time so I could be talking nonsense. Please someone let me know if that makes any sense and is not completely off-base? ^^;;

Okay, so, the rest of the episode...

Angel giving everyone one day to do whatever they wanted - damn, I know I've seen that before. Lesse, FFVII did that at the end, but I'm sure there was another example. Did that ever happen in "Buffy"? I know I recognize that concept... ergh.

So, everyone's perfect days:

Angel: Spending time with his son. If there is anyone out there who can watch AtS and come away still believing that Buffy is the most important person in Angel's life? They're so not watching the same show I am. Connor is Angel's son, and as

thebratqueen rightly said, he's at his core. That he wants to make the world good for his son, that he wants him to be safe, that he wants to just be with him as his perfect day - it's fucking beautiful.

Gunn's: ANNE! Wow, so never saw that coming. Again, beautiful. Took Gunn right back to his roots, to his days on the street with his gang fighting vamps. And, as others have said though it hadn't occurred to me at first, her presence and that scene really grounds the show in the area of the human, the normal, the average person - the 'helpless/hopeless'. Which goes back to what I was saying about what the show's really about.

Lorne's: Ahh, Andy Hallet gets to sing one last time... *tips hat* We'll miss ya, Andy. When it comes down to it, past all the demon fighting and apocalypse-averting, all Lorne's ever wanted to do was sing. That was his perfect day. Good ol' Lorne. ^_^

Spike's: Heh, of course - Spike in a bar, knocking back the booze and preparing to get into a brawl. And, more meaningfully, Spike reading poetry. I absolutely loved that. It totally grounded his entire character back into William, into the poet he was and still is, underneath the rough exterior. Also loved his dedicating it to Cecily - v. glad he didn't dedicate it to Buffy. Loved that scene, so very very much...

And, of course, Wesley's: Watching this scene, I didn't need the semi-spoilers I'd heard to know that Wesley was going to die. Absolutely heartbreaking, because it's so true and so in-character. For Wesley, there is no such thing as a perfect day anymore. Maybe a few years ago there could have been, back when everyone was alive and he was leading AI and he was accepted and loved and had more confidence and had matured into a strong leader and man. But not now. For Wesley, there was nothing left. His loves, his sanity, all gone. And I don't think that just Fred dying, or even Fred dying coupled with Illyria being around, were enough to do that to him. It was everything, everything that's happened to him these past years, and over his life, culminating as his memories returned right on the heels of the death of the second woman he loved. His childhood, his father, his failures in the Council and in Sunnydale and with Faith, losing Fred to Gunn, the prophecy, taking Connor, etc etc etc, Lilah's death, Cordelia's death, Fred's death, and finally his memories returning. All that killed him in a way that made his death almost incidental. He was dead inside long before he got a knife stuck in his gut.

And... It's 1:30 and I just took a break to have a bath and now I have no idea where to start again, so I'll post this and wait until tomorrow to continue on (and I still have a few more comments, though nothing much more on the analytical side).

Also, I am hearing a suspicious buzzing again. If there's a fly in here, so not going to be happy. Heh, some guys came through the till the other day and they were both buying "insect zappers" - sort-of paddles with electric wires on them to electrocute flies and the sort. I want one, even though I know technically it's rather cruel... ^^;;

*glances around room* Damn, could've sworn I just saw something black fly past. This sucks. -_-

*looks at beginning of post* Heh, well, as of posting time, now at T+3.35 hours... ^^